Back by Popular Demand

So, I guess it's time for another shit-my-students-write entry. Before I continue, I will concede that learning a foreign language is difficult. It is sometimes more difficult for some people than others, and going from Japanese to English is a doozy and a half. The languages are like the antithesis of each other; if grammar works one way in Japanese, you're almost always guaranteed that it works the opposite way in English. A quick and dirty example would be verbs. Usually (not always) verbs are towards the beginning of the sentence in English. Same in Japanese? NYOOOPE. Verbs are usually (not always) towards the end. So, it's hard and sometimes trying to learn something so opposite is really uncomfortable. For everyone.

My kids once in awhile try hard and are often lazy confused. They frequently sometimes come up with the wrong answer even though I have given them all the answers prior to making them write sentences , and that's OK. I do not think less of them for their strange answers, and it is often really infuriating endearing. But for real, I am thrilled that they are making the effort (because they didn't before), I just wish they would pay a little more attention in class. Alrighty, without further ado I will provide here the directions I gave them and then their answers. Half of these questions were of a creative nature so I will specify those. The other half have a correct answer, so I will first provide the correct answer in bold and then the student answer.

Creative questions!

Write a sentence using the word "prettiest"
"The Pooh is prettiest of all Disney" (Yeah, suck it, Princesses. This is too cute.)

Next, I provided half of a sentence and the students had to complete it with their own thoughts.

I feel happy when __________________________.
"I feel happy when I go to bed." (Me too, yo.)

I feel surprised when ______________________.
"I feel surprised when my friends surprise me." (Uhh...me too...?)
"I feel surprised when I looked new." (Like, suddenly in the middle of class? Or when you wake up in the morning? I feel like we need a time frame here.)
"I feel surprised when bubble of Cola coma out of Cola bottle." (Yup, that's pretty surprising. Memo to self: teach the verb 'overflow.')

I feel embarrassed when _____________________.
"I feel embarrassed when I put salt instead of suger." (Ooo clever! Almost.)
"I feel embarrassed when I time an occaision study." (I don't know. I don't. Even. Know. I saw this as it was being written and tried to ask the student what he wanted to say in Japanese, but he nearly peed himself because I started talking to him directly. And he just clammed up and didn't say anything. Then I asked the Japanese teacher what she thought it meant and she just stared at it for a good few minutes before saying 'I don't know.' So, I tried to understand. I TRIED, JAPAN.)

I feel angry when ____________________.
"I feel angry when I have a quarreling." (It sounds like Chaucer to me. 'Whan that April I have a quarreling...' It could work, no?)

I feel satisfied when __________________.
"I feel satisfied when I eat cake." (Whoever wrote this is my people.)
"I feel satisfied when I feel interesting." (I think we should discourage feeling dependent feelings.)
"I feel satisfied when I eat black-sander." (I so didn't know what this was at first and it sounded vaguely naughty, so I made a great effort to learn what this person meant. It involved asking several teachers who sat nearby, and thankfully one of them remembered the name of an uber-yummy candy bar called 'Black Thunder'. Otherwise I may have thought this kid was a total perv.)

I feel confused when ___________________.
"I feel confused when I answer the English question." (Don't worry. So does Sarah Palin.)

Okay this next part is the one with correct answers. The students spend weeks, WEEKS, studying three paragraphs in English, and then we have them do a dictation exercise. Basically we take words from the paragraphs and omit them, and then I read the paragraphs, and then students write down in the blanks the words they heard. The super brilliant trick here is that we always omit their vocabulary words. Not random words they've never heard, but the specific words we tell them to study and memorize. Here's what happened:

Correct answer: The blocks fit together perfectly.
Student answer: The blocks fit together perfecut. (I am making this a new adjective. Like, 'Daaaamn. That guy is perfecut!')

Correct answer: There are palaces, temples, and houses...
Student answer: There are prese, temples, and houses... (Yeah, not even really close. At all.)
Student answer: There are parestes, temples, and houses... (Ole! Parestes! Me gusta mucho!)

Correct answer: Machu Picchu had slept for hundreds of years.
Student answer: Machu Picchu had spirce for hundreds of years. (Seriously?? HOW did you even- Never mind. Not going to engage.)

Correct answer: ...buildings made of stone blocks.
Student answer: ...buildings made of stone bloxs. (Close! You didn't totally fail phonics. Yaaaaay.)
Student answer: ...buildings made of stone brocks. (Isn't that a guy on Pokemon or something?)
Student answer: ...buildings made of stone brooks. (Awww. Different kind of image there. Nice try.)
Student answer: ...buildings made of storn brock. (Sounds like the name of fantasy setting or lesser known Harry Potter character...)
Student answer: ...buildings made of stoon drok. (Noooo. No. No. No. You fail.)
Student answer: ...buildings made it stoon blook. (Are you effing kidding?? Do I look like Pat Sajak?? This is not Wheel of Fortune! You do not get to just guess letters in the hopes you hit on the correct combination! Thank God you don't have to PAY for all those fracking vowels.)

Right. So. To sum up, grading is something of an adventure. As I was composing this little entry, I checked facebook and another ALT that I know in a different prefecture posted a picture of a student's journal page. They had written "I like your T-shit." New thesis statement: Spelling is important. Let us never forget its significance in our lives.