Thursday, December 2, 2010

Unfortunate Adventures in Spelling or Homophones: the Silent Final Exam Killer

Recently there has been no posting by yours truly, and I'm sorry. I may have been dabbling in being emo on and off (gonna blame the weather and holiday season away from home), and when that happens I try really hard not to word vomit it all over my blog. Alternately, during those times when I am not sulking about the drizzling rain and lack of halls-decking, my life is tragically uninteresting. Currently I also have a bunch of free time at work so I figured I was way overdue for writing something.

Right now the high school is having final exams, and I still can't for the life of me figure out why they do the testing now. There's still three weeks of class left, but you know, sure, let's have the final. So usually I have to give a listening test to the students. Pretty straightforward set-up: I read a paragraph and students have to fill in the blanks with the words I used. My sophomores have been working on the three auxiliary verbs "must," "will," and "can." So I made a few sentences that use one of the auxiliary verbs plus another verb, and the students had to write the two verbs in a blank.

Below are some unfortunate wrong responses and homophone issues that I totally did not forsee. First I'll give the sentence with the correct answer in bold and under that I'll provide the students' answers.

(The topic was, loosely, 'school rules.')
"Students can drive their own car to school."
"Students can july their own car to school." (I love summer.)
"Students con drive their own car to school." (Is it still a con if it's their own car to begin with? Or is it the opposite of pro driving?)

"They must eat lunch outside the classroom."
"They muse eat lunch outside the classroom." (Noooo, wait! I need that muse for inspiration later!!)
"They must lathi lunch outside the classroom." (Okay, really. What even happened here?)

(The topic was 'taking a trip.')
"I can see Buckingham Palace."
"I can she Buckingham Palace." (This is why we shouldn't use katakana to teach pronunciation.)

"We will enjoy our trip."
"We will enjoin our trip." (Like...surgery?)
"We wee enjoy our trip." (Not even correct in Ireland.)

(The topic was pretending our school was a wizard school.)
"Teachers will wear robes."
"Teachers will where robes." (Oooo, so close.)
"Teachers will were robes." (Pronounce it like the "were" in "werewolf" and you can see where the slip-up occurred.)
"Teachers will way robes." (I'm seeing a trend in which students don't know how to spell a word and just add a "y" to the end in the hopes that it's correct.)

"Everyone can use magic."
"Everyone can you magic." (The number of students that made this mistake makes me feel bad for putting it on their test.)
"Everyone can you's magic." (Almost clever.)

"Students can fly on brooms."
"Students can fry on brooms." (That is pretty magical in my opinion.)
"Students can fay on brooms." (Oiiiii.)
"Students can flay on brooms." (Just one little letter changes Harry Potter into Hannibal Lecter.)

Clearly I need to work harder here. I might suggest instituting spelling tests. I might just leave it alone, because this makes the whole grading process much more enjoyable for me. Poor students, they don't even know what they're doing to those brooms.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Continuing to Boost the Japanese Economy

Okay, I'm experiencing some mild guilt. I'll totally send some more money back home next time. It's just that, like, when else in my life will I be able to say that I can go to Tokyo for $300 and an hour and a half flight?

Never, right? Good, glad you're with me on this. November is Tokyo weekend. It will have been a year since my last stay in Tokyo. Passing through the airports doesn't count.

AAAHHHH TOKYO!!!!

Also, I climbed a hella high mountain. My legs fell off for days. Here's a couple of pictures:







I communed with nature. Check that off the list.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Is this a trap?

One of my English teachers came up to me just a few minutes ago to confirm lesson plans for our class, and inform me of a slight schedule change. Due to the schedule change, she will be unable to come to class, and therefore would like me to teach the class by myself. This has happened before, and while it is a little nerve-wracking I've gotten by.

Then she says, "I haven't taught them the meaning of the target sentences in Japanese. Is it okay if you do it?"

Sooooo.............ummmm. That's a compliment, right?

Kinda shakin' in my knickers over here.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Rock my Osaka

Just returned to work from a whirlwind three-day weekend in Osaka, and just so y'all know I can in fact shop for three days straight. I know you were worried about that, but it's okay. It all worked out. I was even under budget! (note: setting your budget at a really high number, say for example more than you make in a paycheck, means you are ALWAYS under budget. Everybody wins!)

I went to a concert for a Japanese idol group with tens of thousands of Japanese people, and I was one of three males there. Whatever, those guys are nice looking. And when they first appeared on stage, each of them was wearing a sequined jacket that looked like a cross between a marching band drum major jacket and a pimp coat. They were each wearing a different color coat and the colors represented were red, blue, green, yellow, purple, and pink. Together they made a pretty rainbow, so I feel like I have a shot with at least one of them.

I also went to a small Mexican fiesta that was being put on at the Umeda Sky Building. Turns out there was actually a Michael Jackson Neverland exhibit there too, and people were saying to me "Oh! You must be here to see the Michael Jackson exhibition!" And I was all, "Nope, I'm here for the tacos." Then the sounds of mariachis echoed around the plaza, and I disengaged with "Excuse me, but I think I hear my heritage calling. I'm going to have to take this." There were tacos, and they were goooooood. There were allegedly real Mexicans too, and they were asking confused Japanese people if they wanted "uno taco o dos tacos?" I got all up in that and practically yelled "CATORCE. DAME CATORCE TACOS POR FAVOR!" (excuse the omitted accent marks). The Japanese people gracefully looked away from me and my crazy taco face.

It was a fun weekend, and I was rather surprised to find myself at work this morning. Also, even though there is now occaisionally torrential rain, it's still really hot. The seasons are a bit confused here. We broke the world. :-/

On a happier note, Thursday is another holiday so I have the day off. Thanks, Autumnal Equinox!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Whatever works

I just realized last night that I have inadvertanly memorized all of the train stops between my city and the next city over. Sometimes, I say them in order over and over again as a kind of mantra. I like to think of it as a way to focus my mind, or steady me after a rough day, or even as a charm to improve my luck for a short time. Not sure how it's really working out, but if belief is power...

Tottori
Koyama
Tottoridaigakumae
Suetsune
Hogi
Hamamura
Aoya
Tomari
Matsuzaki
Kurayoshi

P.S. We had a typhoon today. It wasn't bad enough to cancel school. Boooooo.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A smattering of update

I have a feeling that this update will turn out a bit disjointed, and I'm okay with that.

♠ I am still not a morning person. Jetlag is the only way I can make it to work on-time without rushing. Apparently.

♠ I really want a mocha right now. (It's morning-time in Japan, and I'm feeling a bit sluggish)

♠ A friend and I broke up with our Japanese teacher. She raised the cost of our lessons for no particular reason, so we told her we wanted to see other people. She may backpedal and lower the price again, in which case I may consider going back to her.

♠ Following the break-up and because we were irritated at the sudden increase of price, we went in search of other activities to do in our city. Consequently, I will be joining a hip-hop locking class on Sunday evening with my friend and the Chinese ALT that works at my school. Pop, drop, and lock it.

♠ I have a student that I call Hip-hop Boy because he listens to a lot of hip-hop in English. He sometimes shouts out in the middle of class "Put yo hands up!" and other charming things.

♠ Hip-hop Boy is recently mispronouncing many English swear words. I assume he learned them from that American hip-hop the kids are all into these days and he most certainly won't be getting a CD with more hip-hop on it from me sometime later this week. What. Don't look at me like that. Anyway, I made a deal with him that if he got a high score on his next English test in my class, I would teach him the correct pronunciation. Currently, he is walking around saying "You sick!" and "Sick my dick!"

♠ Yesterday, one of my students told me that he was a Viking King. Last Friday, one of my students told me that she is in love with my 50 year old married Japanese English teacher because he looks like Buddha. And I also learned from a couple of the baseball players that you can slangily refer to breasts as "poing!"

♠ Still waiting for that mocha.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Revenge of the School Festival

I didn't write about this last year. Potentially because I was actively struggling to repress it somewhere deep into my psyche where it would hopefully just go away and not fester into a mental illness. Schools in Japan have a School Festival every year. My school's is in October. There's no classes for two days and the students put on a sort of talent show. Only it's a mandatory talent show that everyone has to take part in. Whatever. So not the issue.

Last year, I didn't know what to expect. Which is how I was suddenly exposed to an entire class of senior boys stripping down to tighty-whities and doing this dance. All I could think the entire time was "I'm pretty sure we have laws against this in my country." There was also a dance number that included a monk, a flight attendant, a lumberjack, and a horse in a business suit. Also, a group of girls were doing some watered down hip-hop routine to (inexplicably) the Spice Girls. Oh, and then there was the skit where the Power Rangers had toy semi-automatic guns.

Look, it's just a lot to take in all at once culture-wise. And recently I've been hearing the Japanese word for "school festival" creeping into conversations more and more.

Well listen up, Japan. We're not doing this again. I am not joking. The first sign of any jailbait shenanigans and I'm out. If the Power Rangers show up and shoot two people on a date again, I'm out. And most importantly, if you mix hip-hop and the Spice Girls one more time, I'm OUT. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I flip you the deuces and roll out early on the next train.

More on this story as it unfolds.

P.S. What is with reality TV right now? It's like America has suddenly discovered that New Jersey is a state. Only we're treating it like some fascinating foreign country. Hello, network execs. That's not a foreign language, they just speak English with an ACCENT.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Reading between the lines...and sometimes, just reading the lines themselves

My teachers asked me to help out with an English lesson yesterday that was going to be given to junior high students who were visiting the high school and giving it a test run, so to speak. Because it's the only morsel of work I've been offeren in a couple of weeks, I readily agreed. (Actually, I have to make a presentation for my other school. I'll totally do it later, I promise.) So, I helped out. Did my thing. Spoke some English.

Later, my supervisor told me that he was going to ask the vice principal if I could go home early, since I so kindly helped out with his lesson and because I worked so hard. As if I had generously donated my time for free or something. Or like I was doing something else and he interrupted me. He didn't mean it in a condescending way, but since I've had plenty of time to sit around thinking, I wonder what exactly is going on when they say things like "since you worked so hard today" and in reality I've only done an hour and a half of work.

I mean, is he
(a) Following his own culture, and coming up with some flimsy (but passable) excuse that would let it be "okay" for me to leave early and not sit and suffer with everyone else. Or, is he
(b) Doing what he considers to be sensitive to MY culture by stroking my ego and then letting me leave.

Probably some combination of both, if we're being pragmatic here.

Anyway, the poor teachers today have been dragged to meeting after meeting since the new semester is about to start. One of my English teachers was telling me what all of the meetings were about. My teacher says to me just before leaving for the most current meeting that the next seminar is about mental health and he is currently suffering from a mental health condition called boredom.

I must say that I find it entirely refreshing when Japanese people say how they feel. Being tactful and subtle certainly has it's place (especially here), but hearing a direct expression of inner feelings is as wonderful as a cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer's day.

God, I miss lemonade.   

Monday, August 23, 2010

Doing my part to combat the economic crisis

Met the mayor of the city at a train station a few days ago. Told him we needed a Starbucks. Only felt a little dirty.

Also the yen to dollar conversion rate is rocking my socks. Yay for JETs! Sad for Americans...

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Osmosis would be better

Despite the fact that I love learning other languages, and can probably get away with studying less than your average Joe, it still has special little ways of reducing me to tears. Especially Japanese. Never before have I pulled out more of my own hair over a language (figuratively, not literally - that's called trichotillomania, and to my knowledge I don't have that).

I mean, looking back at all of the other times my head has exploded, they seem rather quaint in comparison. Like when I found out they conjugate adjectives. Like we conjugate verbs. Only they're adjectives SO WHY DO THEY NEED A PAST TENSE?? JUST BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE VERBS DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE TO LET THEM -

Breathing, breathing, breathing. I am centered, I am in my Happy Place. I have accepted the adjectives for who they are in all of their various conjugations. And I can't waste any more grief on them, because I'm much too occupied being miserable over the things I'm currently learning. The new verb conjugations aren't too bad. Confusing, yes, but they are verbs and they are SUPPOSED to be conjugated so I can deal.

But a long time ago, I learned how to give a reason, or state a cause. Meaning, I learned how to say "because". So I have been marching bravely on with my power to make a sentence and then link another sentence using "because". I even learned a couple different ways to say "because" - hoo-RAY for me! Only I have just learned that there is yet another way to say "because" and that the previous ways I had learned are only correct in certain situations. Meaning that I have been saying it WRONG for god knows how long. Sure, I mean, one in every ten conversations were probably correct, but still. Why was this not brought to my attention sooner?? Ho ho! Stupid me, thinking I had learned how to say something, but Japanese sure showed me!

I'm actually starting to avoid reading the footnotes in my textbook, because it's always some horrible little nuance that I thought I understood but really didn't.

I also have to - errr, get to - take a kanji test when my lessons resume. That's a different battle.

And here's some nitty-gritty details for funsies:

Current reading: Stranger in a Strange Land by Heinlein. Interesting overall and I like how he plays with religion, but he has his moments where he's a crotchety, prejudiced old geezer and it can become mildly infuriating.
Next book: Five Odd Honors by the lovely Jane Lindskold, or The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood

Current watching: Project Runway! The judges need to step up their judging though, and stop sending home the wrong people. No more of this "styling" fooleywang as a reason. Send people home for making ugly-ass clothes, not because they chose the wrong shade of lipstick for an otherwise passable garment. Yeah, I'm looking at you Nina and Kors. If things don't get better I may go so far as to suggest that you're getting too long in the tooth to judge fashion adequately.

Also, Futurama. Yay. Love it.

Future Travel: Hong Kong? Anyone? And Okinawa.   

Back to the books for now. Gotta learn how to use "because" again.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Trying to keep it simple

New year, new people, new feeling about the whole experience.

The shan shan festival is underway, and the main parade is mysteriously on a Monday this year. Must remember to bring camera.

One of my favorite cafes is giving free drinks when you order a meal, and I LOVE the coffee there. I like coffee. When did that happen? Oh yeah. Junior year of undergrad, spring finals week.

Really cute university student from Gifu randomly approached me last night to practice his English. Very friendly, very proficient, and out of all the foreigners standing around he picked ME. ME ME ME. Narcissism quota for the weekend: Check!

Looking forward to hanging out with the new JETs some more. Had some lovely karaoke and revelry last night with them. Now I just need a couple people to return from their respective vacations to feel some semblance of normalcy again.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Culture Shock: A Bedtime Story: The Not-So-Convenient Convenience Store

"Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a handsome prince. This handsome prince was also quite stylish and fond of traveling. And witty. And wise. Okay, okay moving on. The prince had two lovely princess friends who he would often take walks with and have chats with over piping hot cups of hot chocolate spiked with rum. Their banter was unrivaled throughout the kingdom, and they often introduced their other noble friends to the delicious wonders of hot chocolate and rum. Because they are great friends like that. 

But this story digresseth. 

It was over one of these incredibly clever banter sessions that Princess Lily The Earth Child slipped the idea of going to the larger nearby kingdom of Big Hill to see a famous performing Lady. This Lady's shows were known throughout the land to be the most spectacularly outrageous events, and everybody who was anybody would be in attendance. It had been suspected that this Lady was also a sorceress of unnatural power, as frequently indicated by her attire and penchant for weaving spells by speaking in tongues, "rah-rah ah ah ahhh, roma ro-MA MA, gaga OH LA LA." The effect of these words was often to roll around in the helpless victim's head unceasingly for days on end until they drove him mad I WANT YOUR LOVE AND I WANT YOUR REVENGE YOU AND MEEE COULD WRITE A BA-

Ahem. 

Naturally the prince and the other princess were immediately intrigued, and began to concoct a scheme that would allow them access to this show of wonderment. After a bit of discussion (and an exchange of witticisms too profound to record), it was decided that traveling to the kingdom of Big Hill was inconvenient, as the prince and princesses would need to request leave from the kings and queens that ruled their lives five days a week. But getting invitations was tricky business indeed. Luckily, the handsome, clever, totally-undeserving-of-any-poor-luck-that-may-occur-later-in-this-story prince had a friend that was also a handsome prince in a small kingdom far, far, far in the icy North who had obtained one of the coveted invitations. So the prince wrote that handsome prince a letter requesting any information about acquiring an invitation for himself and his princess friends. That handsome and envy-inspiring prince generously sent scrolls of valuable information, but there was a small catch - a puzzle that needed solving. The scrolls were written in an ancient language composed almost entirely of symbols and pictograms, and only a scholar of that ancient language could have hoped to understand the information contained within. The Prince in the North was indeed a scholar of that tongue, unfortunately our fair heroes were not.


So, the prince and princesses used their cunning to unlock the hidden meaning of the scrolls. Because they could not hope to understand the innate meaning of the symbols, they spent an entire morning using their magics to change the symbols into words they could read and understand. This method was beguiling at best, for they learned that the Lady Sorceress was also stopping in ANOTHER kingdom. The kingdom of Horizon Beach. The kingdom of Horizon Beach was farther, but much more glamorous, and would not require requesting permission to leave the tiny kingdom the prince and princesses lived in. According to the scrolls, on a specific day at a specific time, if the prince and princesses presented themselves before a Shrine of Convenience (at any of several conveniently located marketplaces) and donated a specific amount of gold and jewels to the Gods, they would be rewarded with invitations. 

The Scarlet Princess Pauline had acquired much expertise with these Shrines, and so it was she who trained her other two friends in the arts of their use over and over before going on the Quest for the Invitations. And so it was, on the specified day, two minutes BEFORE the specified time in the morning ON A SUNDAY GODDAMMIT, that the prince and two princesses appeared before the Shrine of Convenience at the predetermined marketplace, Lawson Station. At the specified time, the Shrine of Convenience began to glow and rearrange itself into the familiar puzzle sequence that our three heroes had trained themselves to overcome. Each of them remembered a vital step of the puzzle and quickly had the Shrine glowing with the Lady Sorceress' name. Just as they were about to make their offering to the Gods the Shrine rearranged the Lady's name and displayed a message written in the ancient tongue of symbols and pictographs. 

Not having the time or patience to work on the new message, they summoned a shopkeeper and ordered them to explain the Shrine's unexpected message. After a swift glance, the shopkeeper politely explained that the Shrine was informing the nobles that all of the Lady's invitations had been given out already. There were none to be had anymore. The prince was paralyzed with disbelief, the Scarlet Princess Pauline was giving the Shrine the stink-eye, but it was Princess Lily the Earth Child who rallied her friends and led them on a quest to other nearby Shrines at other nearby market places, Family Mart and Popura respectively.

Two more times they solved the Shrines' puzzles, and two more times they were confronted with the same fateful message. The invitations were all gone. 

In a last desperate bid for what they wanted, they each tried one last tactic. The prince and the Scarlet Princess researched much more deeply into the meaning of the scrolls, while Princess Lily sent an urgent message to a friend living in a kingdom near to Horizon Beach. All ended with the same message as before: no more invitations. What was more was that they discovered that what they should have done was contract with the marketplace through bribery LIKE EVERYONE ELSE APPARENTLY  and bid for the invitations during pre-sale. Because all of the invitations had been dispersed during pre-sale and the whole idea of "general admission" was just a formality used to appease the Shrines and confuse foreigners APPARENTLY. 

So, the enraged prince and princesses amassed their armies, rode each to one of the shrines and smashed them to bits and then fired the remains from a CANON shaped like GODZILLA all the way to OKINAWA where they would be recovered, lovingly cleaned, and then melted into SCRAP for the fisherman's CHUNDER-BUCKETS THAT WILL SHOW THEM, WON'T IT?? 

And the prince and princesses continued to glare at the spot where the shrines once stood in the marketplaces angrily ever after. 

The End."

That day will forever be termed The Great Gaga Travesty of 2010. Take note, People of Earth. This was supposed to be mildly cathartic, but we'll see if the rage subsides or not.

Okay, so here's the important stuff going on with me, in order of randomly:

Books - Just finished reading The Penelopeid by Margaret Atwood. Will probably soon start Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land next.

Music - Currently obsessed with the Glee soundtrack. Just got the Glee soundtrack NUMBER TWO from my family back home. They love me. Songs I keep replaying over and over on my iPizzle include "Kings and Queens" from the new 30 Seconds to Mars album, "Don't Stop Believin'" from the first Glee soundtrack, "You Can't Always Get What You Want" from the second Glee soundtrack, "Dance in the Dark" by La Gaga, and "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz.

TV, Movies - Just watched The Princess and the Frog. Cute, and yay for multi-racial princesses (it's ABOUT TIME Disney!), but I feel like Disney stories are better than that. Used to be better than that? This one was a little blah with some blah flakes sprinkled on top for added meh flavor. And they had such a cool looking villain too! Too bad he didn't have more character development.

TV is bumpin'. Lily and I have almost wrapped up Eastwick (it's almost worth watching it to see how bad the writing became), and started watching the new season of Project Runway. I have undertaken the massively enjoyable task of watching every episode of How I Met Your Mother from the beginning WHAT WHAT. I have been putting off watching any more Nurse Jackie for one reason or another (read: How I Met Your Mother). And I somehow keep forgetting that my computer froze halfway through the first episode of the new season of The Real Housewives of Orange County (which is probably over by now), so I'll never get to see one of their houses get repossessed by the bank at this rate. Also, WHY ISN'T THERE MORE GLEE ALREADY?? THIS IS AMERICA AND I DEMAND MY INSTANT GRATIFICATION FOR NOTHING IN RETURN.

Health - My throat has recently gotten scratchy, magically, just today. I have been taking the American Halls cough drops my family had the foresight to send me. How could they have possibly known I would need them??

Home - I'm in a housewares phase. I need to upgrade the furnishings around here, and clean out some of the old junk that was left for me. Just got a rug. I still want new curtains, another floor chair, a toilet paper roll holder, and to get rid of this space-consuming dining room table.

Current phrase I'm trying to make happen - "chunder-bucket". See: the Sleep Talkin' Man blog. Priceless gems, right there.

Current wishes - to not be getting sick, learning Japanese via osmosis, travel agents that call you back when they say they will, lasagna

Current annoyances - see the above cathartic fairy tale; junior high girls who stare and giggle on the train; junior high boys who quickly blurt "HELLO. MY NAME IS [Blabbitybloo]." and then run away on the train; rules that regulate when the heat can and can't be turned on in the staff room at school. Here's a rule for ya: when it's COLD, turn on the damn HEAT.

Current blessings - a national holiday tomorrow which means a free day off of work, my thick comforter which is SO SOFT, green tea flavored chocolate

Current goals - go rent a suitable DVD to watch in class on Friday, do a load of laundry, get a haircut this weekend (my girl, Yukari, is a fan of my curly hair and she's having me grow it out so she can style it a little long and a little crazy. we'll see what happens...)

Hokaaaay, that's all for now. I'm gonna go nurse this here throat with medicine and my lovely comforter. Goodnight everyone! Sweet dreams!