Revenge of the School Festival

I didn't write about this last year. Potentially because I was actively struggling to repress it somewhere deep into my psyche where it would hopefully just go away and not fester into a mental illness. Schools in Japan have a School Festival every year. My school's is in October. There's no classes for two days and the students put on a sort of talent show. Only it's a mandatory talent show that everyone has to take part in. Whatever. So not the issue.

Last year, I didn't know what to expect. Which is how I was suddenly exposed to an entire class of senior boys stripping down to tighty-whities and doing this dance. All I could think the entire time was "I'm pretty sure we have laws against this in my country." There was also a dance number that included a monk, a flight attendant, a lumberjack, and a horse in a business suit. Also, a group of girls were doing some watered down hip-hop routine to (inexplicably) the Spice Girls. Oh, and then there was the skit where the Power Rangers had toy semi-automatic guns.

Look, it's just a lot to take in all at once culture-wise. And recently I've been hearing the Japanese word for "school festival" creeping into conversations more and more.

Well listen up, Japan. We're not doing this again. I am not joking. The first sign of any jailbait shenanigans and I'm out. If the Power Rangers show up and shoot two people on a date again, I'm out. And most importantly, if you mix hip-hop and the Spice Girls one more time, I'm OUT. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I flip you the deuces and roll out early on the next train.

More on this story as it unfolds.

P.S. What is with reality TV right now? It's like America has suddenly discovered that New Jersey is a state. Only we're treating it like some fascinating foreign country. Hello, network execs. That's not a foreign language, they just speak English with an ACCENT.