Games of Wrath

You know how on sitcoms and TV shows (and even occaisionally real life) people will get insulted in such a grievous way that they immediately start into a self-righteous rant. Then their sarcastic friend/enemy/frenemy/local hobo will fire off a quip at them along the lines of "Well, why don't you just run home and blog all about it?"

Yes, well. Ahem. Welcome to this entry.

I. Am. Furious. I have been embarrassed, no, shamed in front of my students and co-workers. By my co-workers actually! I am so mad I can't even see straight! There is no containing my wrath this time: I will summon a winter to last 1,000 years!!! Oh WAIT, it's already HERE because it's freaking snowing AGAIN. Feel the wrathful wrath of my wrath, Japan!! My fury will not be sated this time, it is the END for you. You have put me through quite a lot in my time here, and I have tried to handle everything you've thrown at me with grace and decorum, but THIS WILL NOT STAND. It is the culture shock that has broke the camel's back, and I will let it be known Throughout the Universe; I will shout your dirty, little secret from the peaks of mountains:

The Japanese cheat at Uno!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Let me amend that accusation. Maybe it isn't all Japanese people. Perhaps it is only the group of Japanese people that I was playing with just a few minutes ago. They cheated fast and hard. They (my co-workers) invite me and a student into their game of Uno. Fine, cool. Thanks for the invite. Don't mind if I do. It all looks so unassuming; it all looks the same as any other game of Uno. The cards are still printed in English even forcryinoutloud. They begin to deal the cards and play as though they all know and understand the rules, but beneath this pleasant exterior lurks TREACHERY. UNO TREACHERY.

One student puts down a red "Draw Two" card. Does the next player (a teacher) draw two? Noooooo. She puts down a blue "Draw Two" on top of it. Then the teacher next to her puts a green "Draw Two" on top of that. And then suddenly it's my turn with no one before me having drawn two! And I don't have a "Draw Two" card in my hand, and everyone is looking at me all expectantly, and I just sit there looking really confused and shaking my head ever so slightly and one of the teachers says "No? Draw six, then." Beg pardon? Six? SIX? Because y'all don't know the rules or how a "Draw Two" works I have to pick up the slack and draw SIX?? Shenanigans! I call shenanigans on this!!

Oh no wait, there's MORE. Then at one point the color was Yellow and a student puts down a yellow six, and then puts down two green sixes on top of that. In the same turn. And everyone just continues playing as though this blatant act of cheating has not occurred. And! And and and everyone else used this same method of getting rid of cards SEVERAL times throughout the game! I have no idea what wackadoo set of rules we're playing with here but I am pretty sure that each player discards ONE card. Only one. Not more. It's almost as if the entire game is built around the concept of ONE CARD. Graaaaaa!

Combine the shady discard procedure with everyone rolling their Draw Twos onto me, and everyone is going out left and right and I am stuck with a fist full of "Reverses" and rage. Lots of rage.

So, thankfully, the period ended before I could make a total fool of myself. But I pretty much flew back to my desk at the staffroom to look up the REAL rules - and to send my flying monkeys after my new Uno enemies.

You know how when someone totally inverts your perception of reality, and that incident immediately triggers a Great Intellectual Crusade for Information that proves your own original beliefs to be true and the other person as a backstabbing rule-breaker? Yep, that was me and Uno.

I whipped out the deck of Uno cards in my desk that was left by my predecessors. The rules were in English. There were even some suggestions for variations on the original rules. And ya know, none of the rules were anything like that crazytown game of Uno I just played! After that, I summoned the internet to find more details. I learned that Uno was invented by a guy in Cincinnati a.k.a AMERICA a.k.a. BOOYAH I KNOW THE RULES BETTER THAN YOU.

Then I felt vindicated so my research crusade ended, and I was the winner. Now I feel a certain sense of obligation, and I am hoping to pass it on to you. We need to accept that there are people who cheat at Uno, and we need to take them into our warm embrace. And then we need to teach them the proper rules of Uno. Then I need to beat the pants off of them like what should have totally happened originally because this was TREACHERY!! It can happen to you, too. Don't think it can't.

I will be spreading the word to my friends over some delicious Indian curry tonight. That's all from me for now - until next time!